jalur gemilang berkibar

we went to drop off my sister's baju sekolah agama at her transit place. as my brother was driving out, I noticed the Malaysian flag being caught by the wind and looking rather majestic if not for the fact it was hoisted awkwardly between the gates of two terrace houses.

as I watched the flag dance, I suddenly felt a pang of.. I dunnowat.. maybe patriotism. Something like, "hmm, people have died for what this piece of cloth stands for" and amidst feelings of maybe patriotism, I also became overwhelmed with confusion, sadness, anger, and regret. the whole shebang of emotions that you would get watching your son, the trumpet playing lopsided grinning charming reckless arrogant but lovable son, lying dying on the floor OD-ing on some fantastic substance or other-- because you are helpless and want to do so much but don't have a clue where to start because it all efforts seem so futile the minute you got the call.

(however, something smart Jim Williams said someone said to him is that if you want to refurbish a dilapidating old house, you can't try and fix everything at once. you have to do one thing at a time. focus on the windows first. then do the doors. then the ceilings. then before you know it, the whole house is restored)

I think I understand now why desecration of flags is made illegal. If a country had a visible soul, I suppose it would take the form of its flying flag.

I never really had any affinity toward Merdeka Day. But I always knew that I love this country and I love the people. In this ridiculous sayang-sangat-sampai-rasa-nak-cekik.

Because we could be so much more.

On an unrelated vein. I saw I am Sam and now officially have a lesbian crush on the 16 year old Dakota Fanning.





Now she and Haley Joel Osment need to meet in smart people college and then make some smart cute babies.