slowly but surely

One way to keep momentum going is to have constantly greater goals.
Michael Korda

The size of greatness doesn't have to be great.

1. Before, I couldn't touch my toes while standing straight.

-->Now I can do the dog! I.e. touch my palms to the floor while standing straight.
Everyday when I was 17 I would try to reach lower and lower. By the time the year was through, I could do that and other weird contortions which I told myself was some form of yoga. I realize now, when I do that or any other contortions that I don't do as regularly as I did back when I was 17, the pain never went away. But at some point, after doing things gradually, accepting the pain as it was and not letting it get in the way, I could touch my toes and lots more.

2. Before, I couldn't fill out forms. Or run errands. You know, like paying for the electricity bills.

-->I don't know why, forms are such scary things. I suppose it's the capital letters they tell you to use, which shouts out "This is serious! You can't mess up!" Also they like to bold things in red which is also very scary. The fear stiffens you. I hated filling up forms, I found them painful and I avoided them. I worried that I could never function as an adult because ALL that adults seem to do is fill out forms. Then I noticed that a lot of adults fill out forms really badly. And their forms get processed anyway. And if you get to the bank counter and you missed something, they don't dispense a firing squad to take you out! They tell you what you missed and you fill that in. So obviously, I can fill out forms now, no sweat. In fact, I've filled out some pretty ridiculous forms in my opinion. And I survived them all.

3. Before, I couldn't run for longer than one minute.

--> Oh yes, there is a funny story I like to tell people about how BAD I was at running. I actually joined a relay race in high school. I was the last person to run and my team was placed at the furthest track, so I had a 'headstart'. It was all good for the first, oh, five seconds. Then everyone passed me and I felt like passing out. And when everyone else had crossed the finish line, I was still half way on the track. I couldn't run anymore, but I didn't want to give up. So I walked, but pumped my fists as if I were running. I thought it might fool people into thinking I was running very slow. Now, I can run much longer than five seconds. I run regularly, at least once a week. I ran two 10km races, and finished the first in an hour 22 minutes and the second in an hour 17 minutes. I even won a third place medal (out of 5 people hahah) for a 6km race at my sister's school. And it's similar to my touching my toes story-- it's not that running is any less painful, only that my tolerance to the pain increased and it gives me room to enjoy the satisfaction of pushing myself a little bit.

4. Before, I couldn't do anything that requires upper body strength; no pushups no wallclimbing.

--> And now I can! But yeah, I am still weakest in my upper body, but I'm getting better! I can do 20 reps of man pushups in one session (haha) and I've climbed a wall to the top in a reasonable amount of time. I think having higher tolerance for pain also boosts up the mental confidence that "I can do it! I can finish this! It won't kill me!" And confidence is crucial when you are doing something that otherwise puts you out of your element. Like scaling a wall 20meters high while being belayed to a man you don't know.

5. Before, I couldn't cook Malay food, couldn't understand how it worked.

--> This one is a bit tricky. I'm no masterchef. But I've definitely developed more confidence int the kitchen. Certain things just make sense, and certain things don't. Like chicken with ginger. Vegetables with garlic. A good mix of garlic, ginger, and shallots for heavily spiced gravy. Asam jawa for curry and sambal tumis, but asam keping for asam pedas or singgang. And for this one, it's really just practice practice practice. Notice also how our grandmothers are so pro at traditional Malay cooking, but when they try a new recipe for the first time they still make it so good anyway? It's the confidence and intuition that you get after being friends with ingredients for awhile. (Also, a little bit of msg goes a long way, I must say. And it seems much of the concern about msg is anecdotal and scientifically, salt has a lower lethal dose compared to msg. But I know right, it's so customary to feel like "Euw msg....")

6. Before, I couldn't understand economics and politics and public policies, or anything 'practical'.

--> I think I was impressed early on by reading numberous Anne of Green Gables books that practical stuff were horrible, and whimsical dreaming was what made a person lovable. Plus Anne got Gilbert, so there is something to be said about the attractiveness of a daydreaming woman. Besides, aren't politics, economics and law things men should be concerned about? And they are so complicated with so much jargon! Intervarsity debate changed all this. It's all about breaking down an issue be it political, economical or legal into smaller components featuring the stakeholders, the causes and the effects. And once you grasp the main concepts, the jargon also just comes to you because they won't just be letters in an acronym, each word in the acronym has a meaning linked to the heart of the issue. I haven't debated competitively in a long time, but whenever I read a news article about a new merger, or a new economic policy, or anything 'practical' really, I automatically decipher the subtext to see what the article is really telling me: what led to this happening? who benefits and who loses? what can this lead to? Because in the end, when all the jargon is scraped off, everything is about the people.


So what next? Lots!

I still can't:

-Swim
-Play poker very well (I refuse to bet. I hate losing 'money' even if it's just pennies or matchsticks)
-Fix things. I am better than I was before, in that I understand how things fit more, but it's still not enough that I can repair a broken pipe.
-Do a handstand.

(I know some people would say: hey you should add driving to your list! But I did learn to drive, and I could drive, and I did drive for awhile. But I hate it, and I don't want to do it. And yes it is partly fear. And no, I won't change my mind and you can't make me.)