I'm married. I've been married for almost two years now... and a lot of people tell me I don't look married and they can't believe I'm married. If Ikram and I meet strangers, they automatically refer to me as the girlfriend, and to him as the boyfriend. In fact for awhile, Fifer kept telling me I STILL don't look married despite the fact that she was present during my courtship, nikah and reception.
It could be that Ikram and I just have very youthful carefree appearances that befits those still in bachelorhood.(implying people who get married take a turn for the worse in their appearance? I didn't say it.) If so, alhamdulillah for that. One thing Ikram and I have in common is that we both want to be foreeeever young. Foreeeeever young. (Oddly, he can't wait to have a head full of white hair. Between you and me, I can't wait for it too! How exciting.)
But the more holistic picture is that we don't look like a married couple because we're NOT like a married couple in the conventional Malay sense. We still don't live together. We don't dress up in the same color scheme when we appear at functions, or during festivities. I still hang out with my girlfriends when we gots the time. He still plays futsal and hangs out with his buddies when they gots the time. We don't have kids yet, and we're planning to hold off on that.
Sometimes I read married people's blogs or tumblrs or twitters or skodeng their pictures like the idle devil that I am, and I feel this pang. This: why isn't my married life like this? Where is my stability?
More importantly I suppose, it makes me wonder why can't we have a home for us, and have that married persons routine? After the wonderment, comes dissatisfaction and pent up frustration. After the pent up frustration, comes
But you know what? In the future, I want to be able to say each time that pang comes a-knocking, SO WHAT?
I know why we are the way we are. I know exactly why. It's not any of our faults, not any of our first desires, but it is our sacrifice for the future. He's been a wonderful supportive husband, without comparison, and I hope I've been the same for him. It's not fair for me to constantly try to fit our marriage or our married life in the context of other married couples realities. And certainly, it's not fair for anyone else to do that to us either.
We are who we are, we love each other, we are committed, we have ambition, we want to move forward together, we have our disagreements, we have our mutual concordance, and so what if our marriage follows the trail of nomads? So what?
If there's one thing I can't stop reiterating is that, try your darndest, pray your hardest, redha and InsyaAllah things will fall into place one way or another.
2 comments:
dude if i were to fit my rship in the context of normal couples i think he and i will never have a chance.
kye, we are not conventional, prolly never going to be (Ameen). i have come to realize that just last Monday :p and just so u know, a person credited me for being unconventional, which means somebody out there appreciates that we are unique from the normal rest :) fyi, i dont like baju sedondon. so i dont think just because everyone else is wearing sedondon with their partner means i have to succumb to the same culture.
be happy kye, as long as u have him u have a home.
be happy kye, as long as u have him u have a home.
--> I love this wisdom, thanks Tun.
Incidentally, I used to have "Home" be Ikram's ringtone.
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