Life is full of surprises.
Wonderful surprises, like...
...getting a present for no reason.
...finding the perfect avocado.
...falling in love all over again with your husband when you watch him drink his chocolate frappucino while waiting for your date night movie.
Life also brings unpleasant surprises...
... like that inexplicable sudden tickle, the budding sore throat.
...a death of someone you loved, when you least expect it.
...losing something you never knew you wanted until you had and lost it.
But nothing is too bad that life itself does not compensate for it.
Whenever I am forced to grasp the very real possibility of the end of my life, like when the plane I am on is taking off and making the most bizarre sounds, I pray the hardest for God to let me live. Just let me live. That is all I ask for. Life is a good thing. It is a chance, and an opportunity. There is so much more I want to do. So much time I need to do all I want to do.
I will forget after we have been airborne for awhile, the sudden urgency and desire to live that I had just moments before. I will aimlessly read the inflight magazine. Await for my single-serve meal. Watch a movie or two. Try to sleep.
But I will be reminded again of death, when we are about to land.
I will think about all the wonderful things I could stand to lose, all the people I will never again see, the fear of pain, the fear of the unknown beyond, and my palms get sweaty, my mouth becomes dry. Then before I go crazy, I would force myself to breathe, and try to forget that my heart is beating so loud it is as if I am hearing it through a stethoscope. I would force myself to accept my fate, the possible end, and to be at peace with God's will. If I die today, so be it.
Then the plane would land. The steward would announce our arrival. I would choke back a bit when he says "To Malaysians, welcome home."
I feel immense joy and relief.
For now, I will live.
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