The feeling has arrived.

Tender is the night
Lying by your side
Tender is the touch
Of someone that you love too much
Tender is the day
The demons go away
Lord I need to find
Someone who can heal my mind
Come on, come on, come on, get through it
Come on, come on, come on, love's the greatest thing
Come on, come on, come on, get through it
Come on, come on, come on, love's the greatest thing
That we have
I'm waiting for that feeling
I'm waiting for that feeling
Waiting for that feeling to come
Oh my baby, oh my baby
Oh why, oh my
Oh my baby, oh my baby
Oh why, oh my

---- "Tender", Blur

I never liked this song much when it first came out. It sounded a bit drunk.

Now I sing it to rock my baby to sleep, and the lyrics have an even deeper meaning for me.

Being a 'mother' is still surreal, and seeing Ikram as a 'father' is also still surreal. But so far I love how we are as parents, I love how my mom is as a grandmother, my grandparents as great grandparents and how my siblings are as Uncles and Aunties. Omar-bei is 5 weeks old now, and he's grown so much, though sometimes it feels like he can't grow up quick enough.

I was going to say, this is particularly true when he cries and I don't know why. But that's not true, usually when he cries it's either a diaper change, a cuddle or a meal and he's content again. It is when he is grunting and whimpering, and not quite crying but clearly either in discomfort (usually it's gas) or pain that I can't wait for him to grow up and talk and tell me what is wrong. Because I don't know what I could do to make him feel better.  (as I write this I realize being able to talk doesn't necessarily mean he will tell me if he's in pain).

However, when I watch him sleeping in my arms, his face alternating between peaceful sighs, mysterious smiles and chuckles, and piteous whines, then I do not want him to grow up at all.

Lili was right that the first days are a sobfest. I teared up thinking about tiny things like mosquitoes and ants biting him when I wasn't watching, medium things like leaving him at the daycare all alone with strangers, and big things like... I'd rather not say.

And then I teared up thinking how much I loved him and how much I wanted for him in this life and after. I won't lie, I'm tearing up right now. Oh the ninniness of new motherhood!

Tender is, indeed, my heart. But can you blame me when he has feet like this?!