I had a conversation with a good friend about early parenting not long back. She had the pleasure (or challenge hehe) of sleeping over with me and Omar for a night. I had warned her that he wakes up a few times in the night, but she only grasped what that meant as the night unfurled. Needless to say, by the time dawn came (and indeed we were all up to greet it early!) her eyes were bloodshot and she looked exhausted.
"Kye! Oh my god!" She says. "You totally have the right to get everyone else to do everything [for Omar]!"
This follows an earlier comment she made about how I was letting Ikram and his brother do everything such as carry Omar and the groceries while I prettily watch.
"Wow! How do you function in the day man? I can at some point just try to ignore him crying, but you actually need to wake up and do something about it!"
(I felt a big smug, I must admit. It is funny but I feel really happy when people who only previously 'sympathized' about being a parent to a baby get a taste of what it really means.)
Then she started saying how she thinks I should train Omar to just cry it out so that he doesn't get used to being comforted all the time. That of course set a very heated (but civilized) discussion about parenting styles. I was firm with her that while I believe there are different parenting styles, and it is difficult to say which one is best, I think my 'method' of parenting is mostly intuitive but also backed by more current evidence which is to say that if a baby cries, it means you should try and do something to make them stop because crying is not something they do for fun.
If it takes a cuddle, it takes a cuddle. If it takes a boob, it takes a boob. I am also a mother who sleeps with my baby, mostly out of convenience but also because I do not like the idea of my baby being inside me for 9 months, then suddenly straight from birth he is expected to happily sleep alone a few meters away. Some people call this attachment parenting, I don't really like putting a title to it. As I said, most of how I treat my baby is intuitive, but I also feel validated by some evidence and expert opinion. There are of course times when my intuition clashes with an expert opinion, so my intuition wins.
But in a sense, I am very attached to my son and he with me. But that's not to say he is fearful of other people or anything else. As a matter of fact, he's growing to be quite a friendly baby, curious and explorative (much to my anxiety at times). But he also has a tendency to crawl after me if I leave the room, which I love. I like the idea of providing him as much security, love and warmth so that he feels independent enough to tackle other things.
There is a saying attributed to Prophet Muhammad SAW (but I do not know how verified it is), that one should love their child the first seven years, teach them the next seven, and be their friend after that. That makes perfect sense to me. I do not think the message is not to teach your child in the first seven, but to love them first. Omar is 9 months and a half, and he is becoming more assertive, physically stronger, and he is formulating ideas. While most of my interaction with him is playful and lovey dovey, there are times when I purposely speak sharply to him (though at times it is not on purpose and out frustration, such as when he wants to grab his crotch and wriggle away while I am changing a poopy diaper!). I try to explain to him why things are good or bad and why he should and shouldn't do some things. But at this stage, all I hope is that he learns there are actions that make me happy, and those that make me unhappy. And that being Umi's dear boy, he would want to keep me happy. We can go into the philosophy of right and wrong once he actually starts talking and understanding.
"Kye! Oh my god!" She says. "You totally have the right to get everyone else to do everything [for Omar]!"
This follows an earlier comment she made about how I was letting Ikram and his brother do everything such as carry Omar and the groceries while I prettily watch.
"Wow! How do you function in the day man? I can at some point just try to ignore him crying, but you actually need to wake up and do something about it!"
(I felt a big smug, I must admit. It is funny but I feel really happy when people who only previously 'sympathized' about being a parent to a baby get a taste of what it really means.)
Then she started saying how she thinks I should train Omar to just cry it out so that he doesn't get used to being comforted all the time. That of course set a very heated (but civilized) discussion about parenting styles. I was firm with her that while I believe there are different parenting styles, and it is difficult to say which one is best, I think my 'method' of parenting is mostly intuitive but also backed by more current evidence which is to say that if a baby cries, it means you should try and do something to make them stop because crying is not something they do for fun.
If it takes a cuddle, it takes a cuddle. If it takes a boob, it takes a boob. I am also a mother who sleeps with my baby, mostly out of convenience but also because I do not like the idea of my baby being inside me for 9 months, then suddenly straight from birth he is expected to happily sleep alone a few meters away. Some people call this attachment parenting, I don't really like putting a title to it. As I said, most of how I treat my baby is intuitive, but I also feel validated by some evidence and expert opinion. There are of course times when my intuition clashes with an expert opinion, so my intuition wins.
But in a sense, I am very attached to my son and he with me. But that's not to say he is fearful of other people or anything else. As a matter of fact, he's growing to be quite a friendly baby, curious and explorative (much to my anxiety at times). But he also has a tendency to crawl after me if I leave the room, which I love. I like the idea of providing him as much security, love and warmth so that he feels independent enough to tackle other things.
There is a saying attributed to Prophet Muhammad SAW (but I do not know how verified it is), that one should love their child the first seven years, teach them the next seven, and be their friend after that. That makes perfect sense to me. I do not think the message is not to teach your child in the first seven, but to love them first. Omar is 9 months and a half, and he is becoming more assertive, physically stronger, and he is formulating ideas. While most of my interaction with him is playful and lovey dovey, there are times when I purposely speak sharply to him (though at times it is not on purpose and out frustration, such as when he wants to grab his crotch and wriggle away while I am changing a poopy diaper!). I try to explain to him why things are good or bad and why he should and shouldn't do some things. But at this stage, all I hope is that he learns there are actions that make me happy, and those that make me unhappy. And that being Umi's dear boy, he would want to keep me happy. We can go into the philosophy of right and wrong once he actually starts talking and understanding.
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