Ever since I was 12, I realized that I was a chubby person.
This is largely (pun) due to the fact that in the process of puberty, I had accumulated a significant amount of fat around the under chin and thigh area and my relatives near and far were quick to point out my transformation from being a slender little girl to a chubby teenager.
Thinking back on those days, I remember how frustrating it was to feel like a stranger in my body. In my mind, I was still thin, but when I looked in the mirror I was clearly not. Coupled with the sense of isolation and loneliness quite typical of tweens, I was stuck in a vicious cycle of feeling bad about my body, reading Cleo and comparing my limbs to the limbs of models, eating to pass the time, putting on more chubb, and repeat.
At one time, I recall my dad (bless his soul) comparing his forearm to mine and exclaiming (innocently, albeit insensitively, I now realize in hindsight) "Besar nye lengan Kayyah!"
One thing that has not changed is my vindictive nature, and I remember making a special prayer that night, asking for me to grow up thin and my dad fat. (I regret that now.)
So this self image battle prolonged until the end of high school, and a bit into my years in Russia. My weight was never so high that I was considered overweight (ok, maybe in Russia when I was 52kg), but BMIs are rather deceptive for the petite in frame. So I tend to show my weight visibly. The funny thing is that in senior year at MRSM PC, I had lost a lot of weight, in my quest to "fall ill" and be removed from boarding school. No amount of "dieting" ever got me to lose so much weight. But being quite extreme, I easily regained the weight after Iescaped graduated.
Anyway, fast forward to nowadays. I am turning 30 soon. And for the most part, Alhamdulillah I have kept my weight within a reasonable range and I don't think I obsess about food/calories the way I did when I was much younger. I think it is partly a sense of established kinship with my body, better understanding of my metabolism (my fat triggers) and in general, I think, a more balanced outlook of food and exercise.
Here are some of the key things I notice help me keep my weight and general constitution table are:
1) Eating lots of fruit and veg.
Everyone says it. Research support it. And I emphasise the word EAT not drink. That said, I am more of a leafy green veg lover than I am a fruit lover. Nowadays I eat fruit only when Omar has left half of his nectarine on his tray (I know moms are gross).
2) Eating home-cooked meals.
This has been more true since I did my Master's in Baltimore. It is expensive to eat out in most places other than Southeast Asia, and so it just made economical sense to cook. I was eating the same things I might have eaten outside, but by cooking at home I am quite sure that I was not putting on the same amount of weight that I was in UIA college days.
I think eating home-cooked meals is especially true for dishes that are relatively oily. I am not so particular about sushi, because I assume it is a bit harder for joints to take short cuts without poisoning people (hopefully I am not wrong!)
But if you think about taking away fried rice or noodles, think about how much oil and salt you use at home, and probably triple that amount at the restaurants. What more, you might use olive oil but you can bet restaurants aren't.
3) Eating real fats.
I love my butter. I love my cream. I love my cheese. I love my milk full cream. And trust me, I use them liberally in my cooking-- more so than I used to consume them before. But I don't find myself putting on weight from this habit. It was validating to know that researchers too are finding that fats and cholesterol in food are not the cause of elevated cholesterol in blood. In fact, I think the fake stuff has more salt and non-food items, and they do not taste as good and are not as satisfying. And when I eat my food, I want to get me my satisfaction.
4) Walking. A lot.
Living in Melbourne without a car has its pros and cons. The pro is generally, I have to do a lot of walking to get around. The con is, I have to do a lot of walking to get around. Overall though, it is quite easy to fit in low impact exercise just by walking to get to places. I wish it was easier to walk in Bangi (sidewalks!), but that said it is not hard to fit in an evening walk to buy goreng pisang. hehe.
5) Running. Occasionally.
I remember the first time someone tried to get me to run. It was Lilia, in Nizhny. I met her in a crowded mini-bus and she very seriously, after introducing herself, asks me (po ruski) "Khai. Do you run?" I said, I can. And the next time we met, she took me "running" along the banks. Lope decided to follow, but he was fasting. At the end of it, I had made a new friend. And Lope decided he hated Lilia.
Now, I run whenever I feel and can. That is basically an average of once a week, sometimes less frequent. But I like that it makes my heart pump and that it is free and I can drop by the market to pick things up too.
6) Eating a good breakfast everyday.
A lot of people don't have time to make and eat a good breakfast at home. I find that without a good breakfast (i.e. toast, egg, cheese, coffee), I am not a happy camper and I think it pushes me to eat more later in the day. And on that note:
7) Eating earlier in the day.
Unfortunately, I have been less strict with this because of the summer hours and trying to watch My Kitchen Rules from 730pm to 9pm. But essentially, I find that I can put on a kg from eating the same things I eat daily, but eating them late into the night. There's also data from rats/mice to support this.
8) Eating smaller portions/ in smaller plates.
Out of all the chores that one needs to do to keep a house, I least minded washing dishes. Lately however, I kind of hate washing dishes because I am always doing them and my sink is tiny. So to avoid washing lots of dishes I like to eat after Omar, and use his bowl. Before Omar, I used smaller plates or ate in the pan I used to cook the food. What it did help with was portion control. Sometimes you really are not as hungry as your eyes think you are.
I could probably sit here and think of a few more things, but these are the main ones. But of course, this is more of an observation from someone who wasn't trying to lose a lot of weight fast, but more of how to generally maintain an acceptable weight. If you're very overweight, I think the same concepts might apply, but you won't see the results very fast. In fact, I can't remember when I started being more on the thin side and less on the chubby side. Probably around the time I did my Master's 6 years ago.
It's hard to imagine now how my life was like obsessing over everything I was eating and how I looked. I suppose everything is clearer in hindsight, and I feel sorry for the unhappy and self-conscious teenager I was. But perhaps, it is all part of the rites of growing up. It will be a good thing to remember, if I have a daughter one day. But also, important for Omar as well.
While on the note of weight, I should not ignore the part where I grew a human in my womb.
My confession is that while I was pregnant, I was back to being obsessive about my weight. And it was terrifying to see the kgs go up, despite my best intentions to control what I eat. And I did not even eat that much. By the time I was 58kgs, I wanted Omar to be born just so I could stop getting heavier. When he was born, I did not weigh myself until I got home, and I expected to have lost at least 8kgs, you know because baby was roughly 3kg, then blood etc.
I weighed 56kg.
I didn't even lose his weight! I was freaked out and convinced I might never go back to my former body.
Then I came back to Melbourne, got busy, stopped thinking about it so much, got back into my routine and the kgs went away quietly and I got back to my former weight by the time Omar was 5 months alhamdulillah. Nowadays, Omar is so active and I'm running after him half the time he's awake or running away from him (depends on who's chasing who), I've got even less time to think about it.
Except this morning when I woke up feeling fat. I had not weighed myself in about a week so I was scared to. In fact, I made myself go for a run to "prepare" for my weighing. I'm still about the same weight, maybe 100grams heavier. But on the run I thought of all these things and thought maybe I'd write it down. But on the final note of thinking, I'll add one more point:
9) Thinking about weight so much is not productive. But weighing often helps.
Just to keep things in check and also to identify what makes me put on weight based on my habits the last few days. Obviously, it's easier to lose a kg to get back to my target weight rather than 10kg.
And cue Omar's waking up whimper.
This is largely (pun) due to the fact that in the process of puberty, I had accumulated a significant amount of fat around the under chin and thigh area and my relatives near and far were quick to point out my transformation from being a slender little girl to a chubby teenager.
Thinking back on those days, I remember how frustrating it was to feel like a stranger in my body. In my mind, I was still thin, but when I looked in the mirror I was clearly not. Coupled with the sense of isolation and loneliness quite typical of tweens, I was stuck in a vicious cycle of feeling bad about my body, reading Cleo and comparing my limbs to the limbs of models, eating to pass the time, putting on more chubb, and repeat.
At one time, I recall my dad (bless his soul) comparing his forearm to mine and exclaiming (innocently, albeit insensitively, I now realize in hindsight) "Besar nye lengan Kayyah!"
One thing that has not changed is my vindictive nature, and I remember making a special prayer that night, asking for me to grow up thin and my dad fat. (I regret that now.)
So this self image battle prolonged until the end of high school, and a bit into my years in Russia. My weight was never so high that I was considered overweight (ok, maybe in Russia when I was 52kg), but BMIs are rather deceptive for the petite in frame. So I tend to show my weight visibly. The funny thing is that in senior year at MRSM PC, I had lost a lot of weight, in my quest to "fall ill" and be removed from boarding school. No amount of "dieting" ever got me to lose so much weight. But being quite extreme, I easily regained the weight after I
Anyway, fast forward to nowadays. I am turning 30 soon. And for the most part, Alhamdulillah I have kept my weight within a reasonable range and I don't think I obsess about food/calories the way I did when I was much younger. I think it is partly a sense of established kinship with my body, better understanding of my metabolism (my fat triggers) and in general, I think, a more balanced outlook of food and exercise.
Here are some of the key things I notice help me keep my weight and general constitution table are:
1) Eating lots of fruit and veg.
Everyone says it. Research support it. And I emphasise the word EAT not drink. That said, I am more of a leafy green veg lover than I am a fruit lover. Nowadays I eat fruit only when Omar has left half of his nectarine on his tray (I know moms are gross).
2) Eating home-cooked meals.
This has been more true since I did my Master's in Baltimore. It is expensive to eat out in most places other than Southeast Asia, and so it just made economical sense to cook. I was eating the same things I might have eaten outside, but by cooking at home I am quite sure that I was not putting on the same amount of weight that I was in UIA college days.
I think eating home-cooked meals is especially true for dishes that are relatively oily. I am not so particular about sushi, because I assume it is a bit harder for joints to take short cuts without poisoning people (hopefully I am not wrong!)
But if you think about taking away fried rice or noodles, think about how much oil and salt you use at home, and probably triple that amount at the restaurants. What more, you might use olive oil but you can bet restaurants aren't.
3) Eating real fats.
I love my butter. I love my cream. I love my cheese. I love my milk full cream. And trust me, I use them liberally in my cooking-- more so than I used to consume them before. But I don't find myself putting on weight from this habit. It was validating to know that researchers too are finding that fats and cholesterol in food are not the cause of elevated cholesterol in blood. In fact, I think the fake stuff has more salt and non-food items, and they do not taste as good and are not as satisfying. And when I eat my food, I want to get me my satisfaction.
4) Walking. A lot.
Living in Melbourne without a car has its pros and cons. The pro is generally, I have to do a lot of walking to get around. The con is, I have to do a lot of walking to get around. Overall though, it is quite easy to fit in low impact exercise just by walking to get to places. I wish it was easier to walk in Bangi (sidewalks!), but that said it is not hard to fit in an evening walk to buy goreng pisang. hehe.
5) Running. Occasionally.
I remember the first time someone tried to get me to run. It was Lilia, in Nizhny. I met her in a crowded mini-bus and she very seriously, after introducing herself, asks me (po ruski) "Khai. Do you run?" I said, I can. And the next time we met, she took me "running" along the banks. Lope decided to follow, but he was fasting. At the end of it, I had made a new friend. And Lope decided he hated Lilia.
Now, I run whenever I feel and can. That is basically an average of once a week, sometimes less frequent. But I like that it makes my heart pump and that it is free and I can drop by the market to pick things up too.
6) Eating a good breakfast everyday.
A lot of people don't have time to make and eat a good breakfast at home. I find that without a good breakfast (i.e. toast, egg, cheese, coffee), I am not a happy camper and I think it pushes me to eat more later in the day. And on that note:
7) Eating earlier in the day.
Unfortunately, I have been less strict with this because of the summer hours and trying to watch My Kitchen Rules from 730pm to 9pm. But essentially, I find that I can put on a kg from eating the same things I eat daily, but eating them late into the night. There's also data from rats/mice to support this.
8) Eating smaller portions/ in smaller plates.
Out of all the chores that one needs to do to keep a house, I least minded washing dishes. Lately however, I kind of hate washing dishes because I am always doing them and my sink is tiny. So to avoid washing lots of dishes I like to eat after Omar, and use his bowl. Before Omar, I used smaller plates or ate in the pan I used to cook the food. What it did help with was portion control. Sometimes you really are not as hungry as your eyes think you are.
I could probably sit here and think of a few more things, but these are the main ones. But of course, this is more of an observation from someone who wasn't trying to lose a lot of weight fast, but more of how to generally maintain an acceptable weight. If you're very overweight, I think the same concepts might apply, but you won't see the results very fast. In fact, I can't remember when I started being more on the thin side and less on the chubby side. Probably around the time I did my Master's 6 years ago.
It's hard to imagine now how my life was like obsessing over everything I was eating and how I looked. I suppose everything is clearer in hindsight, and I feel sorry for the unhappy and self-conscious teenager I was. But perhaps, it is all part of the rites of growing up. It will be a good thing to remember, if I have a daughter one day. But also, important for Omar as well.
While on the note of weight, I should not ignore the part where I grew a human in my womb.
My confession is that while I was pregnant, I was back to being obsessive about my weight. And it was terrifying to see the kgs go up, despite my best intentions to control what I eat. And I did not even eat that much. By the time I was 58kgs, I wanted Omar to be born just so I could stop getting heavier. When he was born, I did not weigh myself until I got home, and I expected to have lost at least 8kgs, you know because baby was roughly 3kg, then blood etc.
I weighed 56kg.
I didn't even lose his weight! I was freaked out and convinced I might never go back to my former body.
Then I came back to Melbourne, got busy, stopped thinking about it so much, got back into my routine and the kgs went away quietly and I got back to my former weight by the time Omar was 5 months alhamdulillah. Nowadays, Omar is so active and I'm running after him half the time he's awake or running away from him (depends on who's chasing who), I've got even less time to think about it.
Except this morning when I woke up feeling fat. I had not weighed myself in about a week so I was scared to. In fact, I made myself go for a run to "prepare" for my weighing. I'm still about the same weight, maybe 100grams heavier. But on the run I thought of all these things and thought maybe I'd write it down. But on the final note of thinking, I'll add one more point:
9) Thinking about weight so much is not productive. But weighing often helps.
Just to keep things in check and also to identify what makes me put on weight based on my habits the last few days. Obviously, it's easier to lose a kg to get back to my target weight rather than 10kg.
And cue Omar's waking up whimper.
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