If the above term sounds insulting then I'm glad that they've abandoned calling a woman pregnant at age >35 years a 'geriatric pregnancy'. I have no strong feelings about one term or the other, although after years of convincing myself that age is only a number and that turning Forty will be Fabulous, being pregnant again as I approach said age does make me realize I took for granted a lot of 'ease' of younger age when I last experienced life as a baby incubator.
To start with, one thing I always hated about being pregnant is the weight gain. The higher the starting weight the higher the end weight will be, and the more weight I need to try to lose. And while I am grateful that my weight fluctuations have been per the course for age, it does mean this time I am about 3kgs heavier before getting knocked up than I was at ages 27.5 and 30 years. Weight gain also feels a lot faster (although I wouldn't be surprised if I cheated when I was monitoring my weight years ago especially using the old analog scale, hehehe), and it is frustrating that I am not eating anymore than I was before getting pregnant. Granted I've only run twice since being pregnant, and have now completely stopped, so there's that.
At 7 months preggers this time, I've already gained 9kg, I definitely feel huge and get out of breath a lot more quickly when I go for walks and there is any incline whatsoever. Back pains, round ligament pain, other pains that shall not be named are either a new experience, came earlier or seem more persistent. This is still preferable though to the first trimester intense nausea, vomiting and fatigue, which I vaguely remember were unpleasant in the first two pregnancies, but felt debilitating for this one. It was a terrible cycle of feeling nauseous when I didn't eat, then eating a bit and feeling nauseous after I ate, and so I just slept it all off. Yes, I managed to sleep on average 12-14 hours a day, and at times even longer. Still alhamdulillah, I managed to fast all but 2 days of Ramadhan. Mostly unconscious but hey.
That said, I am fortunate that this pregnancy feels easier in many ways. For one I'm not trying to finish a PhD like I was when I was pregnant with Omar, or trying to adjust to a new job in a new city with a toddler in tow like when I was pregnant with Hamzah. There's adjustments to a new full-time job that I have to manage, but I get driven to and from work, my husband cooks me food I want to eat, does all the chores, and he gives me back rubs when I mention at all that I'm aching. So alhamdulillah.
There is also less anxiety thinking about labor given I've done it twice and survived. But then I have done it twice, and although I survived, man, I remember how painful and hard both felt. And both were by general standards 'quick & easy' deliveries.
One thing is for sure, reading back old entries about things I did to prep for labor made me grateful that I have this blog to record key experiences that my own memory seems to have blocked out. (Just ordered my stash of red raspberry leaf tea in preparation for third trimester!)
I only wish I recorded postpartum recovery and baby caring more. Reading from the internet, things come back to me but only vaguely and everyone experiences post partum slightly differently. I have my pati ikan haruan and my tummy binders and a confinement set on the way, but man those sleep deprived days with a newborn were a blur. I remember once upon a time sleeping only 2 hours at a time to a maximum of maybe 6 hours a day, and that time lasted well until Hamzah stopped breastfeeding around age of 2.5 years. So that is basically 5 years of my life.
Other thoughts, this time being pregnant at an older age means people I've previously relied on during labor & post-partum are older too. Some people that I think would've loved to meet the baby have left the family and returned to God in the last five years. I already know the pangs of sadness that come every time I realize my dad never got to meet Omar and Hamzah, and they never got to meet him. I can only hope and pray that there's a chance for the people I love who are still around will stick around long enough to meet this baby.
But if not, I have faith there will be a chance for everyone to meet and reunite again insyaAllah.
Until then, life (and baby growing) must go on.
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