This is my lesson in humility

that I'm sharing with you. I think the point I wanted to make may be lost, so I'll spare you the trouble if you don't want to read this and say, the point is: I'm not so special or unique after all (as much as I wanted to prove otherwise previously). I'm a humanbeing and when I fall in love I fall in love hopelessly and full of cliche.

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when I think about my relationship with Ikram, I'm struck at how superficial I was, and shamefully, how arrogant. Of course, there are simply times that I'm reassured that hey, I had that one right all along. But most times, it's just good to take a step back and digest what is happening and realize that my idea of what is real and what isn't, what is important, what isn't is a bit skewed.

This is not about how he's wonderful and he's changed me or any of that nonsense. (he is wonderful, and he has helped me improve-- but this is about something else)

It's about a boy and a girl. Who grew up separately, in more than one sense of the word. Then came back to each other because of the one common ground- love.

I remember saying a lot back then that I don't think I could be with anyone who I couldn't talk to, and when I said talk to, I meant talk to in English and have him talk back in English--just like me. I basically wanted to hear myself talk but in a man's voice. Talk about what? Music, movies and disgruntlement again and again (which is fun, as far as it goes).

And here I am, with Ikram. Who certainly does not (instinctively) talk to me in English, unless I pretty much hammer him with my long winded discourse in English that is almost always complicated and runs circles around the point. And he talks to the point immediately.

Here's me, who gives excessive weight to words, to the idea that they are in fact the very armor of thoughts that escaped the mind-- that what you say defines what is.

And he, well, it depends on how invested he is in the conversation. Sometimes if he fails to grasp how serious the topic is to me, and it isn't to him, he can just reply one sentence-- a thoughtless crass and destructive sentence. And my heart is but obliterated. Seriously, maybe if I could get an ECG while talking to him, we can see the sudden spike in depolarization or a bundle block happening in real time.

But God, if there is someone out there who I really have tried my darndest to keep, it's this budak busuk nama Ikram. No one has perhaps tempted my high strung self worse that him (sometimes through no fault of his own, but just difference in stimuli received while growing up reflecting in difference of viewpoints).

But no one has made me recuperate faster and get OVER myself. If we can keep this up for the days to come, I think we'll actually make it. We just need to keep loving each other, and loving each other hard.

what I've learned from this relationship so far is that, yes it's true, love alone can't sustain a relationship. but after all the pedals and wheels and practical stuff is in place, love is the fuel that drives the car home. It's not just a cliche.

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Yes I did deprivatize :P nak privatize balik ke?