It's still early enough in the year

So I think I will reflect on the past year. (I'm having trouble getting used to thinking the past year as 2011, instead of 2010; the common transition syndrome.)

I remember writing some whiny snot nosed post about not getting things I want, or something to that affect. Actually it was a list of things I did want, and in my pessismistic state, the disbelief that I would actually get them. (But I've always believed that writing down things I want make them more likely to happen)

In one of the blogs that I surreptitiously read (i.e. someone I don't know, but I just quietly check up on to see how she's doing) I read with surprise that she viewed 2011 as her year of depression. Why it surprised me was not because I did not read her posts throughout 2011-- but that I did! And I can't remember one post that would stir the suspicion that she might be going through rough times. There was a sad post about an acquaintance who passed away; but people pass away and people around them move on-- that's how life is.

So apparently, this person has been blogging only about the happier times of 2011, and only at the end did she make it clear that 2011 had taught her many things and she was letting go of a depressing year.

How does that make me feel? It makes me feel like a downright whiner!

I think I already blogged about 2011 being a sucky year.
Objectively, 2011 certainly has it's ups and downs for me. I don't know if I've suddenly transformed into a person who constantly feels entitled to great things, because my tolerance for bad things has been sharply dulled (note the purposeful oxymoron).

I notice this last year I had have a whacked up sense of time. Something I did the week before feels like it was done the year before. And every week I find myself on a Tuesday. What happened to all those days in between the Tuesdays? Sometimes its a Friday. But there's definitely a lack of continuity in the week. The only thing continuous in my present life is I fall asleep, then I wake up.

Perhaps I'm used to being more occupied with my time. But it's not like I'm doing absolutely nothing these past months. I've been working part time and traveling a little bit. And while I value the flexibility of working from home (because it gives me the leisure to travel a little bit); knowing you're not expected to be somewhere in particular to meet certain people in particular makes you feel like you're half a person. Also, I don't do well in limbo. Who does? Maybe Steve Jobs. He'd make a brand new multimillion dollar company if he's in limbo. Rest in peace Steve.

Anyway, the limbo is supposed to be nearing an end soon. But now, gasp, I'm wondering if I can cope with living like a normal human being again! And being away from Ikram for longer than 4 days a week. :( Ahhh! There it is! THE WHINE!!!!

2012: I promise you, this year there will be no more whines on the blog.