I don't know how people abandon their children

This isn't meant to be a holier than thou statement. I assume it is the hardest thing any average decent person would ever have to do-- and I sincerely feel bad for anyone who feels they are forced to make that decision.

I made a decision today to abandon a momma cat and her two kittens that have been haunting the house for the past month or so. The momma cat is not at all lovable, but the two kittens, as kittens tend to be, are rather sweet. So despite our best intentions, and conflicted warnings to Tasnim to NOT feed the cat and her kittens, I think we all (myself, Zaki and mom-- not sure if Hafiz notices them) at one point or the other fed the cat and her kittens. So I guess the momma cat and her two kittens kind of think they've adopted us. But we are not cat loving people to be honest. We have one cat in the house that is neurotic as hell but is kind of my burden because I 'rescued' it from the drain, and one cat outside that is too chill and rather good looking in a diamond in the rough sort of way for us to get rid of. Ok we also sort of kind of love them too. But we are not CAT loving people.

Also, the cat outside has started peeing to mark his territory again, thinking that his sovereignty is being encroached by a very aggressive mother cat. So yeah. I thought, let's just bungkus them and send them to the pasar or the petshop-- easy peasy.

When the time came though, no one wanted to do it so I had to. I lured them into the carrier with food. And then felt them struggling inside the carrier as we drove to a nearby petshop that is known to leave food out. When I got there, no one wanted to watch me leave them. Instead they drove off into the sunset leaving me to watch a momma cat and her two kittens disorientedly come out of the carrier and sniffing the area that is foreign to them. I stayed for a little bit to watch them and tried to prevent a fight with a small cat that was already there.

It took me awhile to leave. I watched them eat the food and walk around. I wondered if careless cars would run them over (as the pakcik inside the store warned me might happen). But I rationalized that cats walk around and get run over wherever they are... hopefully these don't. And they have food and they have each other.

But gosh. I felt it. I felt that heavy guilt, dilemma what have you.. maybe sadness? So I walked away and turned to look back every now and then for fear they might follow me. They didn't. I got home and saw the house with three cat bodies less and well I don't know-- it did look a bit empty.